Time Does Not Equal Effort

The only time of year when I actually don't wait until the last minute to do homework is the very beginning of the school year (or the semester, I guess) because I'm usually excited about the start of school. Then after a couple months, I procrastinate. However, I have to say: I never necessarily procrastinate, per se. As online-journalist, Robert Biswas-Diener, writes in an article for CNN "Are you a procrastinator or an incubator?" basically, a procrastinator is someone who waits until the last minute to do work and does a shitty job. An incubator, however, works best under the pressure that doing it last minute provides and does a "superior" job.

I am an incubator. Especially when it comes to art, I suppose.

Really. Just because I don't start on an art project a week in advance or immediately after it was assigned doesn't mean I don't put in just as much effort. I put in HELLA effort. Because in the time that I spend not doing the project prior to the deadline, I am thinking about what I want to do for the project. I'm constantly thinking about all these different things that I can do. A big reason why I wait until the last minute is because I am incredibly indecisive -- I never know exactly which path I want to take. Until only a few hours before class will I be forced to make a decision.

I work quickly and I work well under pressure. I am always putting in effort. I am always putting my heart into my work (well, most of the time. Sometimes when I absolutely cannot think of anything to do will I just do whatever and essentially BS it.)

Natural talent is also factor.

No, I'm not being arrogant or cocky. I'm merely stating a fact. I recognize that I have natural talent. I'm good with my hands. I X-ACTO knife things very well and I can draw fairly decently to sometimes very good.

So goddammit, stop hating already. I've had years of practice with using a blade that (I'm inferring here) has given me some ability to draw well. Years. I began when I was, like, ten years old.

My ideas are also quite excellent.

Just be happy for me.

Feelings of Inspiration

Often times I endure serious artist's block. Well, that and I'm just incredibly indecisive about what I want to do sometimes. This past semester, I've probably done every single art homework assignment last minute. Part of it is because of procrastination, but the larger part is lack of inspiration/motivation.

For example, just recently, for my 2d art and design class, we had a color schemes project; it involved doing something with analogous colors and then complementary colors. I couldn't decide what to do until the Sunday it was supposed to be due. But once I completed the first half of the project, I was suddenly inspired to do something for extra credit. Live. Laugh. Love. I did Live first, then Love was the extra credit. I was SO excited once I completed photoshopping Love. SO. EXCITED. Once I finished it, I was more happy with the result itself than proud of myself that I did it. I guess that's what being an artist is all about? And then I did Laugh and the project was whole. :) My professor said she loved it. I just got it back today. She said she didn't even want to return it back to me. Hehe.

I like showing people what I've done. But not because I'm arrogant? But because..it just looks so freaking COOL. Doing this kind of stuff reallyyyy makes me happy. I love it :)

More on feelings of inspiration though. For drawing class, our final assignment was to draw any three things but had to include 3 of the 6 ideas from Calvino: lightness, quickness, multiplicity, exactitude, something I forgot, and consistency/our own alternative. For two weeks, I had NO idea what to draw. I barely figured out what ideas I wanted to draw and how I wanted to draw it. But once I figured out, once I was inspired, I became excited and anxious to begin. Worked on them all night while I worked my graveyard shift at the library. I'm freaking tired and exhausted but it was worth it. Just talked to my professor about it. She gave me a 94 :))

I swear. The feeling of being inspired has to be the best. There is nothing like wanting to do something great, knowing how you're going to go about doing something great, actually doing it, and then..finishing. Best.

See, I may not put in as much time into my projects..but I put in "HELLA" effort! So, I'm not a procrastinator. I'm an incubator. If you're actually reading this and wondering what I am talking about, you should Google it :)

Oh, and I have an A in 2D, bee tee dub. :))

K, peace out.

One Word: loveasc

www.pacificoneword.org search: loveasc.

I have to say, this project really did help me reflect upon who I really am. In the time leading up to the actual session when we took our photos, I considered words such as passionate, mastermind, manipulative (in a way where I can create things with my hands haha), and vulnerable. When it was time for the final One Word project, where Charlie was giving the presentation about what kind of word you should put as your One Word, it hit me. loveasc. I really don't know why I hadn't thought of it before. loveasc is me. It's whom I've been for a while. And whom I'll be for a very long time.

I started writing this blog in the morning but then decided to get breakfast with my roommate. Now it's 11:55 PM and I don't remember where exactly I was going with this. So I'll leave it here for now.


Schpanks for reading.
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Me, Myself, and I

After that night where I just went off and drew..well, I think it kind of changed me. The drawing turned out to be pretty emotional-looking and really..well, it will always remind of that night and how I was upset. Not so much about what I was upset about, but just the experience of drawing from..my heart? My soul? lol. But just the experience of drawing for myself for the first time. Not drawing for a homework assignment (which it turned out to fit for, actually), not drawing to get praise and approval from others, not drawing just to practice and get better. But drawing for me, to alleviate myself my upset mood that I was in, to make me feel better about myself. To distract myself from reality into a whole different world where only charcoal hitting paper matters.

For a long while, when I created my loveasc cards and door signs, I always made them for other people. I never once made something for myself. Always for others and to see their reactions. Yes, it's good to give and I love doing it. But sometimes, it's good to give to yourself as well.

It's kind of like I put a little piece of myself into the drawing. It's kind of like the drawing took a little piece of me. It's now mounted on my wall, whenever I look at it, I'm reminded of the upset feelings I had that night.

I'm also reminded of the first time I drew for me, myself, and I. That's a big deal to me. As I am now a growing artist.

Inspirations and Resolutions

Last night, I got upset about something and just needed some alone time. I tried sitting outside my residence hall but it just didn't suffice. Then I decided to walk around campus until I found the right spot to just sit and chill. I ended up at the patio of The Lair. It was around 10:30 I think, so there was quite a crowd both inside and outside - so I went to the other side of the patio (something I recently found out about).

One thing that I like about The Lair's patio is that it's got rocking chairs and a beautiful view of campus across the creek. I saw Brookside Hall from across the way and..I had the sudden urge to draw it. I knew exactly how I wanted to draw it and it was just such an inspiring view that I didn't mind going back all the way to my hall and back with my art supplies and bristol pad.

I began to sketch the building - gesture drawing if you will. It took me a good five minutes to lay down the foundation of the piece - I couldn't decide how I wanted big I wanted to draw the building in comparison to the dark sky around it.

Around 11:30, I saw a dark figure (and a dark figure because the small pathway from the main side of the patio to where I was at was not lit with light) heading towards me from the other side of the patio - I didn't worry too much. I was too engaged with my drawing to care and I was also listening to music. And then the dark figure said something. I unplugged and asked him to say it again. "I'm just coming over behind you, I don't want you to get freaked out. And I don't want to mess you up (with the drawing)." He was part of staff and was locking up the chairs together. By this time, I had finished sketching the building in pencil and begun outlining in an extra soft charcoal pencil. He looked over my shoulder and saw what I had so far - he said it looked cool.

One thing I find interesting, and something I think about constantly, is how our self is the most critical critic we will ever meet. Sure, sometimes I will really like my work - usually my graphic design pieces but I am more critical with my drawing - and sometimes, I just don't see what other people see.

I left The Lair just at midnight, taking my time on the walk back to the dorm. As I walked back with my unfinished drawing in my hand and my art box in the other, everywhere I looked, I thought to myself how fun it would be to draw it and how amazing it could look. But, not necessarily a drawing by me - anybody. I especially thought how nice it would be to draw the east entrance to my residence hall, with the old school brick wall and the little alcove the door was encased in, and especially the nature that surrounded. If I didn't hate drawing trees so much, I would give it a shot.

I walked down my hall and immediately sat down outside of my room, as my roommate was already asleep. I sat down against the wall and resumed my drawing right away. Honestly, I wasn't thinking much of the drawing until more people started commenting on it. But even though people said that it was really good and they liked it a lot, all it did was make me feel better not about my drawing skills but just from the shitty mood that started this whole thing. It was only until after I had sprayed fixative over the finished piece did I begin to appreciate my own work. I liked it, too.

The night began with a terrible mood that led me to be inspired by a simple, and literal, vision I had as I tried to alleviate the mood.

Resolution: draw more night landscapes and/or scenery.
Resolution: be less of an extrovert - I'll get more things done that way.